I recently came across this previously published article from an author-friend, and I see the power of these secrets as it relates to loving our children. Seriously, even being able to follow through with this heartwise® approach in one area would make a profound difference in the energy our children feel and react to.
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During the holidays of December, 1998, I received from a reader of this column the following “Top Ten Secrets of Love.” It was so psychologically healthy and so powerful, I want to share it with you today. Perhaps you will use it as a reminder for yourself throughout 2016-2017 …throughout your life.
“The first secret: the power of thought. Love begins with our thoughts.
We become what we think.
Loving thoughts create loving experiences and loving relationships.
Affirmations can change our beliefs and thoughts about ourselves and others.
If we want to love someone, we need to consider their needs and desires. Thinking about your ideal partner will help you recognize him or her when you meet.
“The second secret: the power of respect. You cannot love anyone or anything unless you first respect them. The first person you need to respect is yourself. To begin to gain self-respect ask yourself, “What do I respect about myself?” To gain respect for others, even those you may dislike, ask yourself, “What do I respect about them?”
“The third secret: the power of giving. If you want to receive love, all you have to do is give it! The more love you give, the more you will receive. To love is to give of yourself, freely and unconditionally. Practice random acts of kindness. …The secret formula of a happy, lifelong relationship is to always focus on what you can give instead of what you can take.
“The fourth secret: the power of friendship. To find true love you must first find a true friend. Love does not consist of gazing into each other’s eyes, but rather looking outward together in the same direction. To love someone completely you must love them for who they are, not what they look like. Friendship is the soil through which love’s seeds grow. If you want to bring love into a relationship, you must first bring friendship.
“The fifth secret: the power of touch. Touch is one of the most powerful expressions of love, breaking down barriers and bonding relationships. Touch changes our physical and emotional states and makes us more receptive to love.
“The sixth secret: the power of letting go. If you love something, let it be free. …Even in a loving relationship, people need their space. If we want to learn to love, we must first learn to forgive and let go of past hurts and grievances. Love means letting go of our fears, prejudices, egos, and conditions.
“The seventh secret: the power of communication. …To love someone is to communicate with them. Let the people you love know that you love and appreciate them. Never be afraid to say, “I love you.” Never let an opportunity pass to praise [and acknowledge] someone. Always leave someone you love with a loving word…it could be the last time you see them.
“The eighth secret: the power of commitment. If you want to have love in abundance, you must be committed to it… Commitment is the true test of love. If you want to have loving relationships, you must be committed to loving relationships. When you are committed to someone or something, quitting is never an option. Commitment distinguishes a fragile relationship from a strong, loving one.
“The ninth secret: the power of passion. Passion ignites love and keeps it alive. Lasting passion does not come through physical attraction alone. It comes from deep commitment, enthusiasm, interest and excitement. …The essence of love and happiness are the same, all we need to do is to live each day with passion.
“The tenth secret: the power of trust. …You cannot love someone completely unless you trust them completely. Act as if your relationship with the person you love will never end. Trust is essential in all loving relationships.” Trust yourself, trust others and trust the world. It is the foundation for love.
I wish Love for each of you!
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Dr. Thomas is a licensed clinical psychologist and certified life coach. He is on the faculty of the International University of Professional Studies. He is the co-author of the book, “Total Life Coaching: 50+ Life Lessons, Skills, and Techniques to Enhance Your Practice…and Your Life” (W. W. Norton, 2005). He leads seminars/workshops on: Cognitive Behavioral Therapy; Life Coaching; Business Coaching; Creativity; Academic Excellence; Creating High-Quality Relationships; Effective Communication; Effective Leadership and many others.
Lloyd J. Thomas, Ph.D. 3421 Polk Circle West, Wellington, CO 80549