Through our personal and professional relationship experiences, we have identified a set of basic core values for all relationships, whether parenting, partners, or friends.
These four values are words of action, not just mental representations of some beautiful thing. Since values are abstract to many people, here is the way you can make values work with friends, children, colleagues or lovers.
To be linked or bonded with another person or people is the connection. When a child is born, the bonding process involves sight, touch, empathy and positive regard. Understanding is established through eye contact and touch. This tells the child’s brain to recognize, connect, and feel the parent or caregiver. Empathy and positive regard for the child are also connected through conversation, cuddling, holding, and movement like walking and rocking. When a parent treats and speaks to the baby or toddler with kindness, softness, love, and tenderness, the child feels valued and develops an emotional foundation.
We grow and mature, but our human needs for connection and bonding with a loving person never changes. The connection is a driver value.
Each core temperament has needs to be met, and when they are not met, the pattern for emotional abandonment is triggered. You are hard-wired for relationships. Feeling connected is a priority for communication and commitment.
|Core Needs||Autonomy Challenge||Appreciation Harmony||Structure Respect||Admiration Freedom|
In what ways do you feel connected to those closest to you?
As a value, communication is more than just sending a message or conversing. Communication refers to rapport…. or in HeartWise® language… aligned in the energy or thought and feeling. Having such empathy helps your gut relax, and your demeanor soften.
Communicating from your heart to your child or partner conveys softness and acceptance. Communication cognitively could sound like instruction, even judgment or debate if your voice tone is loud or sharp, Being aligned in the heart helps you feel loved or valued. When you thoughts and feelings match, then speaking does not sound like judgment.
To be in rapport means you can:
- Disagree without being disagreeable
- Effort to control your emotional hijacking and not dump on another
- Move away from the need to be right and shift to listening, being open or reflective,
- Be objective, even while being emotional.
How high do you rank communication as a core value in your relationships? Make communication a number 1 priority on your values list for one month and cultivate this quality. Notice how your relationships improve.